Voting Along Cereal Lines

I think I could argue (and really, who could stop me?) that any and all cereal-related news or banter is fair game here at Chex and the City, regardless of its relationship to romance. And while I shall practice restraint in this regard (what with there being such a surplus of cereal-related news and banter out there), I can’t help but to share some very exciting findings brought to us this week by the New York Times.

I am over the moon to learn (and share) that my preferences for breakfast cereal and Presidential candidate are in perfect alignment, as scientific research has proven that Hillary Clinton supporters prefer Kashi GoLean over all other cereals. Very exciting. Very reassuring. I am Cereal Dater, I am liberal, hear me roar.

I am, however, having a much harder time dealing with the news that John McCain’s rabid fan base would chose – of all the cereals on all the shelves in all the world – Fiber One. Fiber One! Now I realize that by divulging this I’m probably also revealing some aspect of my character that I’d really rather not, but Fiber One is, without question, my number two cereal choice when it comes to Cereal Dating and – as much as it pains me to admit in light of this new information – my uncontested favorite in the home and workplace. I love Fiber One. I crave Fiber One. It’s old people food, but it’s awesome. Oh, the shame. The horror. The self-hatred.

Obama lovers, it seems, love Bear Naked Granola. Good stuff, but too caloric for my serial cereal consumption.

Now, aside from the extensive soul-searching that I’m clearly obliged to begin, what really stuns me about this situation is the specificity of it all. What are the odds that my two very favorite cereals are actually the exact brands cited in this study? Seriously. It’s not like we’re talking Cheerios here. All data would indicate that I must be an incredibly politically-driven breakfaster and, as such, that you (yes, YOU!) should take my word as gospel. And my word, so you know, is “Hillary.” Hillary’s where it’s at, yo.

(Interestingly, one might also deduce from these low-fat, high-fiber preferences that we, as a voting nation, are an incredibly healthy – not to mention regular – lot. So take that for whatever it’s worth.)

So that’s all. Just found it interesting and (somewhat) relevant and wanted to announce it over my own little megaphone to the world. And because I can’t bear to see the fun end here, I’ll throw you some more startlingly specific candidate-linked product preferences:

Clinton supporters enjoy butter, white wine, Fig Newtons and other fruit-filled cookies, McDonalds, Wal-Mart, Starbucks, Red Lobster, Krispy Kreme, Newman’s Own pretzels, Luna Bars, Boca Burgers, and Odwalla Super Protein drink.

Obama Girl & co. lean towards olive oil, lattes, The Cheesecake Factory, Panera Bread, Starbucks, Kettle Chips, Lara Bars, grass-fed beef, and Izze sparkling juice.

McCain followers/Republicans/the Downfall of our Nation as we Know it go for bourbon, scotch, stuffed crust pizza, red wine, Dr. Pepper, Fuddruckers, Chick-Fil-A, Chips Ahoy, Sun Chips, Fiji Water, PowerOne bars, corn-fed beef, and SoBe energy drink.

Pepsi-Cola and Sprite, clear liquors like gin and vodka, and Evian water fall decidedly in Democratic territory, but don’t differentiate between candidates.